Thaya and I set a record on Saturday. She managed to poop, pee, sneeze, spit-up, drool, and scratch me all in one day... more than once. Way more than once... if you don't want to hear about all of the above (especially the poop) then move along... this post is not for you.
We decided to head up to Westfield for the day to visit Granny and Grandy. I'd hit up some local nurseries with my mom, and DH would relax at the house with my dad. Perfect. Everything was going according to plan, and we were having a spectacular day, despite the rain and chill. As we were in the checkout line at the nursery, someone started smoking, so I decided to head to the car with the baby. Cigarette smoke is bad enough for my lungs, I don't even want to think of the toll it takes on lungs that are only a month old. While Thaya and I are sitting in the car, waiting for my mom, I decide it would be a great time to change and feed her.
Thaya is like Pavolov's dogs... she gets her diaper changed and immediatly thinks she needs to eat. It cracks me up. The first week, we used the diaper change as a way to wake her up enough to eat. Now she thinks clean diaper = meal ticket.
Anyway, she looked really cute. SO cute, in fact, that as I was dressing her that morning, I thought to myself, something is going to happen. She just has to have a major blow out or throw up all over herself. Really! Look how cute...
She had on her little pink striped shirt, lace fringed jeans, pink Nike socks, and the bolero I finished. Obviously it doesn't fit like a bolero right now, but I think it is seriously adorable. I am going to let out the seam on the one side about half an inch up from the waist... maybe about a half inch opening. It will be enough for me to pull the tie through so I can tie it in the back. Then, when she is big enough, she can wear it as a bolero. For now, just a cutie pie sweater!!
Ok, anyway, back to the story. So there I am, sitting in the car, changing pad in my lap, baby on the changing pad. I've got her pants and socks off and away from where we are, because my thinking was, if she poops it'll be just my luck that she'll drag her foot through it. I thought I was being smart, I thought I had the gift of foresight. I was brilliant, you see, taking off her socks, because I didn't have another pair to change her into. Taking off her socks would, in turn, keep her clean.
As if her dragging her tiny pink baby foot through poop was the worst thing that could happen.
As predicted, she did have a blow out in her diaper. I was happy that I was changing her. This simple equation explains why:
Car seat + poopie diaper = banshee scream.
As I'm cleaning her, I notice that I only have a couple of wipes left. I was foolish enough to think "well, at least she's had her big poop today, I probably won't need anymore". As I'm about to put the lotion on, she has a "fountain pee". Thats what we like to call it. It can range anywhere from an elementary school water fountain that hardly makes it up past the metal bit to the water show at the Bellagio. This was more like a sprinkler on a summer day. It had some height, but not a lot of force. I was able to contain it in the diaper...
Let me rephrase that. I was able to contain it in the diaper until she had another major blowout. The force of that caused her pee to spike, me to jump, and poop to puddle in the diaper pad. At this point, my mom is loading up the car and hears me go "Ooooh, shit." She asks if I need help, and my silence indicates that I do... stat.
I was silent because I was frozen. Last time I changed her in my lap it went so well. This was wrong... so so wrong.
My mom comes running around to the side of the car. She opens the door and asks what is wrong. As I'm pointing out that she had a blow out but it didn't make it to her clothes we just need to use some tissues to wipe the pad so we can keep chaning her...
blow out number three.
We both just looked at eachother in shock. We didn't know what to do. At this point, I was thinking a number of things. 1) how are we going to avoid getting poop all over the car. 2) how are we going to avoid getting poop all over us (and how did I make it this far without so much as a dribble on me?) and 3) how are we going to clean up the poop that is going to be all over me, my mom, the car, and the baby with only 2 wipes and a quarter of a box of tissues?
My mom thought fast. She grabbed the baby and started stripping her. Unfortunatly for my mom, Thaya had poop all the way up to her neck. Now my mom, Thaya, and her beautiful bolero sweater were covered. By the time Thaya was naked and screaming in the parking lot in the rain, I had the pad wiped down.
Side note: Thaya doesn't cry. In fact, my mom heard her wimper for the first time that morning.
Imagine my mother's suprise to hear the baby crying for the first time with such force. My mom started to panic. As I was stuffing the dirty clothes into a ziplock, the garbage into another ziplock, my mom was attempting to dress Thaya in the change of clothes that I brought (because, again, I somehow managed to foresee an issue. God only knows why I stopped at the change of clothes and didn't pack more diapers and wipes...).
I was kind enough to point out to her that she was attempting to dress the baby without a diaper.
At this point, my mom and I were hysterical. I don't think we've ever laughed like that before. My mom started to cry that she was going to pee herself she was laughing so hard. I pointed out that it wouldn't be a problem... she was covered in poop, the last thing people would notice would be the pee.
We managed to calm ourselves down for the sake of the baby. She was on the verge of having a traumatic experience. She was cold, crying, and scared of my mother and my laughter. We got her dressed, and calmed her down. We cleaned up the rest of the mess, and I got ready to feed her.
I have never seen the child eat so much before. She was eating so hard and fast, that she kept breaking the latch in order to take deep breaths. To add to the poop and pee, I also started to spray. Poop, pee, breastmilk... why not, right?
During the feeding, my mom and I had time to reflect on what-the-hell just happened. In all her years as a mother and all the blow-outs and diapers she had to change, never did she have a baby go so much and get so covered. Our next stop was the yarn shop. Needless to say, we skipped the yarn and went home to give Thaya a bath.
On our way home, we both agreed that out of everything that had happened, those 10 mintues in the parking lot of the greenhouse were easily the highlight of our day!
And yes, my mom managed to get the poop out of the sweater. It is drying as I type this :) I still haven't put more wipes or diapters in the diaper bag yet....
